In my last post I left off after I had adopted little Jay.
As I mentioned, I could not take him home with me the day of the adoption because he needed to be neutered and so I had to return to get him the following day after five in the afternoon. I took advantage of the time to prepare for his home coming and bought a harness and leash, a couple of bowls, a dog band in case he wasn’t house trained and some food.
The next day, I invited my son to come along and meet the little guy.
When we arrived at the Humane Society’s animal pick up office I immediately noticed on the wall behind the counter a large tag with the name JAY and under it, in bold letters, it read: Heart Murmur.
My son and I looked at each other wondering what that was all about. The young woman on the other side of the counter approached us and asked for the adoption papers, then turned around, picked up the tag on the wall and handed us some more papers to read and sign. She proceeded to explain to us that the vet had found a heart murmur when he examined Jay prior to being sterilized.
“If you no longer want to adopt him because of his heart condition, you need to sign this paper and we will take him back into the kennel.” She said matter of fact.
I was stunned and felt a wave of rage building inside my belly.
“I need to take some time to think about this.” I replied.
“You need to let me know today before we close at 6.” She answered.
“I have almost an hour to think about it.” I snapped back at her pointing the finger at the wall clock. I was getting annoyed at her lack of compassion and her “it is just business” attitude.
“Oh, sure, take your time.” She said as she walked away to help another person.
“Let’s go to the car. I need to regroup and think about this deal.” I told my son while walking towards the door.
My head and emotions were spinning out of control. I wasn’t prepared for this. The unexpected news had brought back images of Sammy, my toy poodle who had a heart murmur and had died of congestive heart failure.
The old pain of watching my beloved dog die from a heart condition had resurfaced. Why was Spirit matching me with a dog with a heart problem? Then again, what was up with this “heart theme”?
I wanted to run away from opening my heart to Jay if it meant that I would have to deal with the pain of losing him. At that moment I thought of the lady I had met the prior day and who had not allowed herself to love another dog because of the pain of losing it. Was I being that lady now? Was I telling Spirit how my experience with another dog would have to be in order for me to adopt one?
“I need to contemplate on this. I am reacting to the past and projecting it onto Jay and that is not fair to either one of us.” I said to my son.
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths to calm myself. The Light of the Holy Spirit came into my inner vision readily and my heart began to ache once more.
“Show me what is best for all concerned, oh God.” I prayed silently.
A beautiful meadow of soft green grass bathed in golden light stretched out against a bright blue sky above and little Jay was running around happy and free. My heart opened up at the inner vision and my lips relaxed into a smile.
“Let’s get my little boy.”
And Jay came into my life and with him a new chapter began.
There is more to the story and it will have to wait until my next post.
In the meantime, I ask you and myself to consider how many times during our lives we walk away from an opportunity to open our hearts even if they ache from old pains.
May The Blessing Be!
The Road Home 